What I’ve Learned From Long Distance

I’ve been hesitant to write about long distance because God (and sweet Matthew) know that I’m no pro at it. But after almost 6 years of it, maybe I’ve learned a thing or two that I can share with the people who have just started with long distance.

First off, I’m not going to lie it sucks. I see Matthew a few days every month and only a few hours each of those days during the season. If you would’ve told me when we started dating in high school that was going to be our future, I would have said “oh heck no”. Anyone who does long distance knows, it’s hard. I don’t need to tell you that. Whether you’re an hour away or a country away it’s hard.

But it’s not all bad and everything is temporary. So here are a few things I’ve learned to help and look on the bright side.

Have your own life. Oh boy I can’t stress this one enough. If you’re living for the few times you get to see your boyfriend you’re missing out on so much. Take the time you can’t see him as a really great opportunity to not have to divide your time between friends and your relationship.

Plan ahead. If it’s possible plan you’re next trip during your current one. It makes goodbyes a whole lot easier.

When you’re there, be there. It’s easy not to always be present but it’s important to be if you have limited time together. That means putting the phone down.

Set expectations. Set your expectations of how often you both think you can afford to see each other.

Don’t compare. It’s easy to compare your relationship to other couples who get to see each other all the time or see each other more than you. When you realize your relationship is YOURS, it get a whole lot easier.

Try not to cry at goodbyes. This is Matthew’s “rule” for me. In college, when we were two hours away from each other, I would cry saying goodbye every time. Finally, he said “you’re ending a great weekend on a sad note”. He was right. I realized if I could try to leave on a positive note, I wouldn’t be so sad leaving and it worked.

Communicate. I like avoiding conflict. I like pretending I’m not upset and hoping it will go away. The thing is, with long distance you don’t get that luxury of waiting for them to see how you are in person to resolve the conflict. It’s easy to pretend you’re not upset over the phone. You have to communicate if you are. (I’m still working on this always)

Learn to be okay being alone. For me that’s meant being okay going to weddings and events without my plus one. Don’t dwell on being sad about it but instead look at it as an opportunity to spend time with other people you normally wouldn’t.

I’m by no means a pro at long distance. In college when we were two hours away from each other is completely different from being a 2 hour plane ride away from each other. Both with constant learning curves.

My biggest piece of advice: Give yourself and your partner grace. Lots of grace. You are both going to have to learn how to miss each other, communicate more than usual, and miss out on things normal couples get to do. It will be hard on both of you. But if you give each other lots of grace you will find that the growth you experience in your relationship during long distance far outweighs the struggles.


Work is hard. People Need to be Loved.

Almost two years into this post grad adulting life and I’ve learned a few key things. Work is hard and people need to be loved.  It’s such a stereotypical millennial statement to complain about working hard but I’m putting it out there not as a complaint but because far too often we pretend we have

Read More

Gap Filler

Have you ever felt completely incompetent? Odds are, if you are in leadership or ever been led, you’ve found yourself with a task staring you in the face that makes you question why it was given to you in the first place. It can leave you thinking ‘There’s no way I can finish this’ or

Read More

Middle of the Story

I’m not good at waiting. I some how start almost every post off with an accidental confession. Because I write when I need to tell myself what I need to hear, and what I need to rehear days, weeks, and months later. I then publish some of those confessions only because maybe if you’re reading

Read More

Quiet Echos

If you’re one of the wonderful people who keep up with this blog, you may have noticed I’ve become MIA. From a few posts a week to one a month to one every few months. I stopped writing. Honestly, it’s because I felt like I haven’t been qualified to write about anything. I’m not a

Read More

When Lies Speak Louder Than the Truth

Image via CNN We all know how to lie. We learned it at a young age. Some are better at it than others. Some are so good at it, they start to convince themselves it’s the truth. Some are taught lies, being told it’s the truth. Lies tend to go two ways: subtle and sneaky

Read More

Busyness: an admission not accomplisment

I’ve been busy. Like forget to eat dinner because I have too much on my mind busy. It’s funny how that doesn’t feel like an admission of guilt, but a accomplishment. The truth is, I crave to be busy. Sitting still is torture for me (just ask anyone I work with). If I don’t have

Read More


There is conflict. Run. There is pain. Run. There is anger. Run. Run away from the emotions — from the discontentment. Be sure to run fast. Don’t let those emotions catch up. Run to the busyness. Run to the work. Run to into being productive to cancel out avoidance. Anyone ever hear these a version of

Read More

Broken Hallelujahs

There is a place that our hearts can go. Some have been there and some have been blessed not to. This place, call it depression, hard times, tragedy, or a mixture of all of the above, is a dark place. That place where you feel like you have nothing to sing about. Sometimes, we are

Read More

Wasting Easter

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life but tonight I’m going to write about my biggest mistake. Ooooh scandalous, I know. There are often subjects I come across that I feel like I don’t have the authority to write about. Partly because of insecurities but mostly because I never want to make blanket

Read More